Bar exam woes... already

Mark: "Why don't you let Jesus take the wheel?"

Me: "Why don't I let Jesus take the bar exam?"

Young love

I just came across my 16 year old nephew's PDA via Facebook. It was so...

Well, let's put it at this:

1) It's against everything I stand for. But yet, it's slightly adorable that he hasn't been tainted by a bitterness towards relationships.

2) The fact that he is in a relationship and I am not... I still don't know how to respond.

3) I feel as if I am still meeting my duties of an uncle by Facebook stalking the crap out of him. I don't know what duties it actually fills, but I am sure there is some new written guideline I am meeting with the creation of Facebook in the past 10 years.

Hoop earrings?

I just saw a man. I thought he was wearing hoop earrings. I thought it was odd. I looked more closely. They weren't hoop earrings. They were ear gauges. I am pretty sure my entire fist could fit through one gauge.

Vomit.

Totes abbrevs

If anyone has a convo with me, it gen involves an abun of abbrevs. I was looking through my phone to see which words my phone had to accept. Here is a non-exhaustive list:

• Appropes (appropriate)
• Bellig (belligerent)
• Biebs (Justin Bieber)
• Bish (Bishop)
• Cals (calories)
• Deets (details)
• Delish (delicious)
• Evs (ever)
• Fabs (fabulous)
• Faves (favorite)
• Glor (glorious)
• Gorg (gorgeous)
• Hilar (hilarious)
• Jeal (jealous)
• Natch (natural)
• Obv or obvs (obvious/obviously)
• Perf (perfect)
• Probs (probably)
• Rando (random)
• Sesh (session)
• Sitch (situation)
• Totes (totally)
• Uje (usual)
• Vids (video)
• Welc (welcome)

I don't really know how else to say this...

But my sentiment towards engagements and the ridiculous spectacles surrounding them only tend to make me more frustrated at the people who post ridiculous cliches and vomit-producing statements via Facebook. Moreover, I am concerned for the future married couples about to be wed.

Have mercy.

Faturday is a special day

It's the day we get ready to eat whatever we want...and worry about the consequences on Monday morning.

Whoopsies.

A word to the engaged

I would just like to remind those who are engaged one thing: just because you are engaged, doesn't make you a pro at dating or dating advice. So please, stop being so open and willing to share your thoughts and insights.

And please stop dropping the "fiance" bomb every chance you can. I've got the point.

A message from Japan

Japan called me looking for your pleated pants. They said after all the natural disasters all of their fans were destroyed and they'd like the spares that were placed on your pleated pants.

Please return your Japanese Fan Pants and buy some flat-fronted slacks.

High class junk food

I am craving potato chips. I just have regular potato chips left over from a barbeque. But I don't really like potato chips anymore unless they are are salt and vinegar... specifically from Jimmy Johns.

I am contemplating dipping these regular potato chips in vinegar. That's how desperate I am getting.

I have high standards for my junk food. I also blog about food far too often late at night.

27

27 is good. Although, I am not liking the thought that people can start referring to me as someone "nearing their late 20s." That kinda scares me.

And if I hear you refer to me being in my late 20s and still being single, expect a punch in the face.

New Life Goal

Become a silver fox.

Nothing else.

A platform for a better smelling America

Sometimes a shower, good teeth brushing, and a phone call from a friend leave me feeling refreshed. OK, not just sometimes...all the time. Call me strange, but these three things are possibly my favorite things to do. Wait, add baking to that list.

But I seriously have my best moments of reflection and answers to life lessons during these times.

Am I alone in this? Anyone else gain their greatest ideas in the shower? Legit, I have some of the most profound thoughts happen while I am in the shower.

Enough about my showering. But, here's to my platform for good personal hygiene. It will cause world peace, bring an increase in applications at the US Patent Office, and will help me so I don't judge you by sight or sound.

I now announce my candidacy for President. Platform 1: Daily showers are required. Platform 2: Rid the world of pleated pants. Platform 3: Make Diet Coke with Lime the official drink of the United States of America. Platform 4: Require the former Miss South Carolina to take Public Speaking and Geography. Platform 5: Have Rebecca Black teach pre-schoolers her song "Friday" so they know the days of the week.

Late night cravings... round 1 billion

My late night eating habits the past month or so have gotten out of control. I crave the most random stuff late at night and have no self-control to avoid eating whatever I am craving. Let's go down the list from most recent to distant cravings.

1. Maple bars from QT.

2. Hummus

3. Hummus

4. Peanut Butter

5. Peanut Butter with Pretzels

6. Jimmy John's bread

7. Jimmy John's bread with butter

Mind you. All of this eating occurs between 10 PM-3 AM. And yes, I have woken up in the middle of the night craving something and chose to eat it. Even though I know it is against my better judgment, I go through the process of taking out my nightguard and brushing my teeth again. I am anticipating the purchase of a pregnancy test for myself if I keep this up.

Rapturic encounters of the AM radio kind

So you know how the world is supposedly ending on May 21st? Well, I don't support this message... hence why I am saying "supposedly." A really far fetched supposed. Well, I wanted to get all the deets from this Family Radio Organization that was claiming such an event. So I tuned into the radio station associated with this rapturic event.

The results?

Total disappointment.

I was waiting to hear some ass-kicking sermon trying to terrify me or to convince me that I was not prepared. It was so anticlimactic. Absolutely nothing. Just random music coming in on a really crappy AM station... meaning there was some high-pitched noise. Unfortunately, the only redeeming factor was the high-pitched noise...that's gotta tell you something.

So, up until the end of the world on May 21st, I will be posting. I also look forward to tuning into the radio on May 22nd... I am hoping that will bring about more exciting sermons.

Welcome baaaaaaaaaaaack

Well kids, I am back. My unsincerest apologies for not posting in a while. Trust me, I had many a ridiculous story to share, but found myself unable to do so. It is just as well.

Just to update you on my life since I last posted, I finished my second year of law school. Hallelujah. Since that moment in time, I have reentered the world of guilty television pleasures by watching the third season of Desperate Housewives, aka DH-Dubs, starting the fourth season of DH-Dubs, and finally seeing the past ten episodes of Glee. Judge away.

Between my shameless television shows, napping, and occasional shopping, I am really enjoying a few days break.

Embarrassing moments of others

I got this hilarious e-mail from a class-mate of mine. I can totally visualize this happening.

"OK so I just played 6 minutes of loud music in the library thinking my headphones were plugged in. NOPE. Totally mortified."

I remember a friend from undergrad once telling me he did the same thing at BYU while he was listening to Destiny's Child. Nothing better than an awkward white kid bumping to some hip-hop for the entire library to witness.

I suddenly have a strong belief that this will happen to me in the near future. Trust me, if it does, I will let you know.

I now know what West Africa feels like

I kid you not. The law school has absolutely NO ability to stay at some normal temperature. It is freaking ridiculous. It is musty, warm, wreaks of horrific body odor, and makes me short of breath.

I am about to pass out. Deodorant is appreciated by all parties.

And maybe a portable fan.

...

Trust me, I know I haven't posted in ages. My life is going at a very high speed and I am just trying to keep up. Also, I don't have internet. So, one of these days you'll see something. One of these days. Until that point, let me just tell you that I moved. In the ghetto. Luckily for me, my up-stair neighbors wake me up at 7:37 with a heavy bass and some good hip hop. And I've got tennis shoes at the telephone wire in front of my apartment. If you don't know what that means, it's probably a good thing. I will keep it at that.

Regardless, I love where I am at (seriously) and I am busy as can be. My bitter, pessimistic self is still in tact. Don't you worry. And to my loyal readers, thanks for sticking with me. I know I suck. And still you'll check in on me. 10 points for you.

Biebs Feves

I am spending a few days with my brother in Missouri and my four nieces have a serious case of the Biebs Feves. The thing is... so do I.

A few weeks ago Tate and I went and saw "Never Say Never" a.k.a. the documentary/concert for the Biebs himself. Although Tate & I originally went as a joke, we totes cried. Really. Then Tate informed me that Ellen Degeneris owned up to crying as well. A small consolation. We were by far the oldest in the theater and I was the only male in the theater. The row of 14 year old girls behind us were singing their little hearts out.

Did I mention we saw it in 3D?
Never a dull moment or something I am too ashamed to share.

Ah, yes...

Thank you Mommy Menezes.

Val...ugh

Believe it or not, I don't think I'm going to go off on my anti-Valentine's Day rant. Perhaps I'm becoming more passive. Oh GAWSH, let's be honest... that's one hell of a lie. I suppose it's better that sometimes I keep my feelings of disgust, hatred, and loathing about those who post about their significant other to myself. Hence, I am ensuring that I am actively-passive about my hatred for social media changing the face of relationships as we know it. Yes, you're in love with your significant other. Yes, you want to announce to the world. The cliche "scream/yell it on the rooftops" and your blog and/or Facebook account has become your proverbial rooftop. I've got the point.

But then again, to the other extreme, I am sick of hearing "Happy Single Awareness Day." Good hell. The individual who posts anything like this on their blog or status is nearly (but not really) as annoying as the aforementioned "shout it to the world of my undying love" authors. To me, that's just screaming for a pity party. Yes, we know you're alone. And your behavior via your status is only justifying why I am not surprised you're single. Re-think that one for next year.

As for me, Valentine's Day was nothing eventful. In fact, my professor who is known for forgetting his teeth to class utilized the acronym "VD" (potentially meaning "Valentine's Day"), to discuss Venereal Disease and other STDs. What on earth that really has to do with the subject matter of the class is beyond me. If anything, it just reinforced the fact that I have a keen ability to disregard anything in the class other than sexual references and innuendos. Congratulations to me, I am certainly gaining my legal education.

Regardless, another Valentine's day has gone by. To me, it was nothing special but a day to cry out for starved attention via social media. And to that I hope that you got some. And you can take that last statement any way you please. Happy VD (in my case meaning, "Veraciously Damned").

J

Once upon a time I worked at a hot dog stand, J-Dawgs. Not a day goes by that I don't think about how much I loved working there and how amazing of an experience it really was. And my boss was one of the most incredible people I'd ever met. Here's to you J and J-Dawgs.

BYUtv - BYUtv Shorts: Innovators: Jayson Edwards

A less-than-stellar member of society

Tonight as I was driving home some homeless person tried to flag me down. In this instance, I decided pretending to text while driving was a good thing. I'm rather glad they didn't go directly in front of my car though. I may be willing to give the homeless money, but I will not let them inside my car.

When I arrived in my complex, not a single unmarked spot was open. So I drove around to a place where I generally don't park, looking for an open unmarked spot. Luckily, I found one. But as soon as I started to go in the spot, some old woman opened up her screen and just started staring at me parking. I parked too close to the car at my left, so in my guilt of some woman watching over me, I got back in my car and re-parked. Meanwhile, the old woman stayed on her phone, staring at me the entire time.

I suddenly really feel like a menace to society... unwilling to help the poor and being glared at incessantly by an old woman.

The Tie Insanity Continues

So remember how I a few months ago I bought two matching patterned ties for Elder Bowyer and Elder Cahoon? Well, I have gone a bit overboard... and bought four more matching ties. That's right, I bought surplus. And of course, I had to buy one for myself. The funny thing is, I haven't bought them at the same stores. I have actually bought them at different stores and in different states. When I bought the last three of these ties, my mom just gave me a look. I asked "Do you think I'm crazy." There was no response. But no matter, these matching patterned ties are tying (get it) all the elders that have served here in the Winter Quarters Ward together.

Look at these beauties. What originally started as this:

Turned into this with Elder Warby, Elder Petersen, Elder Bowyer, and myself (minus Elder Cahoon):

Instead of referring to them as "companionship" ties, I refer to them as the "AP/WQ/BAMF" ties. I know, I had to come up with some name that seemed more fitting. And leave it to me to turn it slightly inappropriate.

Any my apologies, Stephanie Brady, for not buying you sisters matching plaid skirts. It just didn't seem reasonable. However, I think I made up for it the time I got up to the lecturn and lecture everyone on how they needed to sign up to feed you sisters.

Dose of reality

Reality has come back. My return to Omaha was triumphant...I came back with hips about to fall off and a right foot I could hardly walk on. That you PF Chang's Marathon. Not really all that triumphant. Ugh.

And I got thrown right back into school with no sense of what I was really getting myself into. For some reason I thought the halfway mark would mean that it was going to be easier. I was TOTALLY wrong. I feel incredibly sleep deprived and feel a need to shower more often than normal. I don't really know what the latter means.

In good news, I went to Costco and spent a buttload of money. Well, that really isn't good news at all. Let's try this again. In good news, I am still bitter mid-mid-life crisis me. There that seems much better. Even better than that, I am baking banana bread. Not for me of course, it is just so therapeutic for me after a hard week.

Regardless, I am glad to be back in Omaha. Even with reality hitting me, it's a reality I love and one that I missed.